Episode 2: Caretaking in Sex
Introduction
Hello there, I’m Jason Tantra and welcome to episode two of our podcast. Today I’m joined by my beautiful husband, Ingo Tantra.
In this episode we explore the process of spiritual inquiry — the tantric practices we use, and how integration and exploration are all part of awareness. We share the method we’ve developed and use in our retreats, and bring it here into the podcast.
We then move into one of the most common topics that comes up in spiritual inquiry: caretaking in sex — always looking after the other person’s pleasure and feeling like nobody is looking after you.
We also share our five top tips for creating a self-pleasure practice at home, and finish by talking about our London workshop exploring Ecstatic Surrender.
Full Transcript
Hello and welcome to the Tantra for Gay Men podcast, hosted by Jason and Ingo Tantra. Here we explore spirituality and personal growth through tantra, the body, energy and sex.
Hello my beloved husband.
Hello sweetheart.
Here we are for our second episode. It feels like we’re giving people a real insight into our private world — sitting here and talking about what really matters to us: tantra, spirituality, sexuality, truth, love, awakening.
One of the key things for us is that the spiritual path is the centrepiece. Tantra may include sex and pleasure, but that’s not the destination. The destination is something much bigger — a deeper experience beyond the self.
We share an early experience of awakening — a moment where everything shifted, where the sense of self dissolved into something much larger. That experience became the foundation for understanding tantra not just as practice, but as a path.
This is why, in our work, spirituality is central. The practices open something — but what matters is how that integrates into your life.
This brings us to spiritual inquiry.
Spiritual inquiry is something we developed through years of working with men. It blends therapeutic approaches with intuitive awareness, helping people understand what’s driving their patterns, behaviours, and experiences.
It’s not just about what’s happening in your life — it’s about seeing yourself more deeply, at every level.
And one of the most common themes that comes up in this work is caretaking in sex.
This is where someone feels they are always focused on the other person — their pleasure, their needs — and afterwards they are left with a sense of emptiness, loneliness, or grief.
There’s something deeply painful about giving everything and not feeling met.
Before trying to fix this, we invite something very simple:
Feel it.
Feel the loneliness. Feel the grief. Let it be there.
Because the way through this isn’t by avoiding those feelings — it’s by moving through them.
From there, we begin to explore what’s underneath.
One of the key questions is:
Do you feel worthy of receiving pleasure?
Not as an idea — but in your body.
Because to truly receive pleasure means allowing yourself to be seen — fully, vulnerably, without control.
And for many people, that’s the real edge.
Caretaking can actually be a place of safety. If you’re focused on the other person, you don’t have to reveal yourself. You don’t have to risk being seen.
But over time, that safety becomes limiting. You disappear from your own experience.
In tantra, we work with this directly.
We create clear roles — giver and receiver. And when you are receiving, it is only about you.
This is where many people realise they don’t actually know how to receive.
So we begin to rebuild that capacity.
A simple place to start is through a self-pleasure practice:
- Slow everything down
- Stay with sensation rather than fantasy
- Use breath and sound
- Allow arousal to build without rushing to finish
- Explore what genuinely feels good for you
This begins to shift your experience from performing for someone else to actually being present in your own pleasure.
From there, everything changes.
We also talk about our upcoming workshop, Exploring Ecstatic Surrender, where we introduce practices to access deeper states of pleasure, surrender and awareness.
Thank you for listening. We hope this episode serves you.
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